


We Try Not To Be Monsters

by TheMaximumMax



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Behavior, Gen, Pre-Canon, SI-5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-24 02:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21330691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMaximumMax/pseuds/TheMaximumMax
Summary: Working for Goddard as "one of the best" is a lot of things. Insane, Dangerous, Evil, Important, and most of all? Fun. Kepler, Maxwell, and Jacobi loved their job, for all of it's flaws. Sure they have to do pretty awful stuff, but it's all about the big picture. Sometimes, to make an omelette you have to break a few eggs; you might as well enjoy cracking them.We Try Not To Be Monsters is a very episodic fic in which each chapter is a different mission the SI-5 have to undertake. From hiring to family, Maxwell having to defuse a bomb to the pains of destroyed friendship, the SI-5 crew grow more and more accustomed to the way things run at Goddard. They become better at their jobs, and worse people.
Relationships: Daniel Jacobi & Alana Maxwell, Daniel Jacobi & Warren Kepler, Daniel Jacobi & Warren Kepler & Alana Maxwell, Daniel Jacobi/Officer Klein, Warren Kepler & Alana Maxwell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. I Knew Everything About You

**Author's Note:**

> "the spinoff/prequel I desperately want so will have to make myself" is an alternate title. Also the chapter titles are canon quotes cause I have a lot of this podcast memorized by now.

Kepler was supposed to wait for another week of vidding before making an incept. That was protocol after all. This time though, he was going to have to act quickly. He figured he knew everything there was to know about his target, and if there was any day to offer the man a job, it was now. All Kepler was really waiting on was for the former ballistics expert to sit in his misery long enough to be feeling really truly alone. 

So he waited in his car, watching through the window as the bartender pour another glass for the day-drinking soon-to-be-recruit. 

As if awarding his patients, Kepler's phone rang. 

“Cutter asked me to check in on your operation.” Rachel Young’s voice grated on Kepler’s nerves. 

“It’s going perfectly. About to incept now, actually.” Kepler said flatly. 

“Oh I hope I’m not stalling you.” Rachel said, not a drop of apology in her voice “Remind me who this one is? I can never keep up with your little projects.” 

“Daniel Kenneth Jacobi. He’s only 26 but has quite a track record when it comes to explosives. He was not permitted into the air force due to poor eyesight. That was probably for the best, because he went on to be the best ballistics expert they ever had. Shame they didn’t know it when they let him go two years ago today.” 

“You’re hiring him on the anniversary of losing his dream job?” 

He allowed himself a self satisfied smile. “It’s the best course of events. In the past year, Mr. Jacobi has spiraled ever downward. He’s the type of person to need a goal, and he does not currently have one. He’s extremely loyal, but after losing his job and coming out to a military family, he has found himself very alone.” 

“This is a job, not a charity project, Warren.” 

“It’s not about charity, it’s about vulnerability and loyalty. The man needs some direction. Wouldn’t it be convenient if he found that with Goddard?” 

“You better know what you’re doing.”

“Of course I do. How about you let me do my job, Ms. Young? I’ll introduce you to the newest SI recruit next time I see you.” And with that, he hung up the phone and went inside. 

The bartender and Jacobi were arguing, and as Kepler came into earshot her could hear what about.   
“Another one.” Jacobi said, no room for argument. 

“Just trying to save you money, pal.” As the Bartender refilled the drink, Kepler pulled a stool out and made himself comfortable, plastering on his most friendly smile. 

“That's the spirit. Don't let that wuss say you can't hold your liquor.” 

Kepler was expecting a lot of things. Annoyance. Yelling. Sudden clear kinship in the form of the bartender as their mutual enemy were all options. He was not expecting to get ignored. 

“Another one.” 

“What are you drinking?” You cannot get rid of Warren Kepler that easily, Jacobi. 

“Booze.” He still refused to make eye contact. Kepler kept up his smile. 

“Care to be more specific?” 

“Booze with ice. Icy booze.” 

Kepler laughed at that, being reminded of a story. He started in on it, knowing that if Jacobi did not want to speak, he could do the speaking for them. He had not even made it a full two sentences before Jacobi finally turned to him, clearly annoyed. 

“I'm sorry, but do I look like I'm in the mood for a story right now? I'm a little busy at the moment.” 

And with Jacobi’s full attention, he said “Really? Because I was just about to offer to buy you a drink.” 

Hook, line, and sinker. 

Jacobi stared down at the card the strange man had left. The words “Goddard Futuristics” in bold across the top, underneath, a montra. 

_ Pushing the envelope for the sake of human and scientific advancement. _ There was a phone number and email included. Everything he could need to go job hunting. 

Jacobi’s first thought was that this was a miracle. The second was that he was far too drunk for this. He placed the card in his wallet and called a cab. He would check out this Goddard Futuristics tomorrow. 

Through the haze of hangover the next morning, Jacobi felt raw, dull regret. Generally, spilling your entire tragic backstory to a random stranger at the bar was an awful, embarrassing idea. That was a level of miserable that was shameful even for him. 

He sat up slowly, his single room apartment greeting him with empty takeout and far too much light for his headache. He made his way over to start the coffee machine, already considering going back to bed. Why the hell shouldn’t he? There was no point in being awake at this point. 

Another year of unemployment. Probably his last one with a roof over his head if something did not change soon. 

Change. The memory of the business card in his wallet broke through the headache and he went scrambling for it and his phone. His chances were next to nothing, but hey, the things a desperate man does. What could possibly happen? He could get turned down at the sight of his record, but that would be far from a first. Really, _ nothing _ could get worse. 

So, he sat down on his bed and made the call. 

“Goddard Futuristics. How can I help you?” A woman on the other side asked. 

“Are you hiring?” What are the chances they would be? This was stupid. Go back to bed, Daniel. 

“Name?” 

“Daniel Jacobi?” He said. Why would it matter? 

“Your tour is on Sunday. You start work on Monday.” 

The world came to a screeching halt. He found himself unable to form syllables for a solid second. There had to be a mistake. “Shouldn’t I have an interview or something?” 

“Goddard futuristics doesn’t do interviews, Mr. Jacobi. We look forward to seeing you on Sunday if you can make it.” 

“Yeah. Yeah I can do that. How did you…” 

“Major Kepler put in a good word for you. Guess you owe him more than the drinks he bought.” The woman bluffed. Jacobi did not know it at the time, but he had the job long before that night. All he could really think about was the man at the bar, never even bothering to give his name. Major Kepler. The man who had, in the span of one conversation at the bar, changed Jacobi’s life. 

“I definitely owe him a lot. I’ll be there Sunday.”   
Sunday came far too quickly, and the woman he talked to on the phone (he would later learn her name was Rachel Young) showed him around. The AI facilities were huge and expensive. The offices and break rooms nice and well furnished. Each location was more grand and extravagant than the last. 

“This is our engineering department. Your specialty falls under the ballistics category…” She caught the shine in his eyes as he scanned the room “Do you want to see where you’ll be working?” He did, of course, and she opened the heavy blast-proof door into a room stocked to bursting. 

There was no way all of _ that _ in one place was legal. 

“Like what you see?” Ms. Young said, smug tone drowned out by the inventory Jacobi was running in his head. 

“How do you guys have all this?” 

“We work with the best. Only fair we provide materials that live up to our employees.” 

During the rest of the tour, Jacobi was almost in a daze. Earlier that week he had been broke, jobless, and directionless. Now, he found himself randomly hired at a rich company doing what he loved. It was too good to be true. When Ms. Young explained his pay, he knew it had to be. It hurt to question a number with that many zeros, and yet… 

“So what’s the catch?” 

“That catch?” 

“I’m not an idiot. What shady criminal activities are happening on the side here? There is no way this is legit.” He kept his tone light. She could take him as joking if she wanted, but she just smiled. 

“Progress, Mr. Jacobi. It’s just the salary of progress.” 

Jacobi did not see Kepler again until he walked in on Monday morning to find the Major waiting for him. A thousand thoughts raced through Jacobi’s mind, most notably questions and gratitude.

“Surprised to see me?” He asked, a smirk spreading across his face. 

“Can’t say I am, Major Kepler. Why didn’t you mention where you work when we talked at the bar?” 

“We have a flair for the dramatic here at Goddard Futuristics.” Kepler explained as he walked through the halls to Jacobi’s new office. He let Jacobi drop off his bag before asking “So are you ready for your first mission this afternoon?” 

Jacobi spun on him, shock on his face. Kepler made a note to change that expressiveness. “Already?” 

“Of course. You can handle it. You wouldn’t be here if you couldn’t.” He said plainly. 

“And if you’re wrong?” His expression was that of a man who had just been handed a lottery winning ticket and then threatened to have it stolen out of his hands. 

“You will find, Mr. Jacobi, that I am very rarely wrong.” He looked at the new recruit, an idea forming. “But let’s say hypothetically, I am wrong. You should know by now that I admire good scotch, if our first meeting was anything to go by. It’s probably not a surprise to you I keep some very expensive whisky in my office.” 

“What’s your point, Major?” Jacobi said slowly. 

“My point is that I like my whisky, a lot. I like the taste. I like the smell. I like the way it feels in my hand. But, if it somehow became a problem, if it made it hard to do my job, I could just as easily get rid of it. I would be sad to see it go, but I would also be more or less fine. People, employees, _you? _ All just whisky. Do you follow?” 

“I think so, sir.” Jacobi said, and he sounded serious enough that Kepler believed him. 

“Good. Now let’s get to your mission briefing. I for one, am ecstatic to see you in action, Mr. Jacobi.”


	2. Two Fifths Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacobi and Kepler work together for about a year.

“Are you sure about this?” 

Kepler looked up from the plan to meet the new guys’ gaze. To his credit, Jacobi barely shrunk under the stare.

“Are you sure about this…” He gestured with his hand in a _ come on _ motion “You’re from a military family, Mr. Jacobi. I’d expect you to know the most basic of protocol.”

Jacobi sighed. “Sir. Are you sure about this _ sir _” 

“Better. And of course I’m sure, why wouldn’t I be?” 

Jacobi’s gaze fell on the floor plan Kepler had drawing their mission on. “Well this all just seems a little… illegal. With the breaking, entering, and corporate sabotage.” Kepler sat in silence until Jacobi finished his sentence. “Sir.” 

“Yes, well, it’s what needs to be done for progress.” Kepler said. “Here at Goddard, we are more focused on the big picture than insignificant roadblocks.” 

“And what kind of progress might that be?” beat. “Sir.” 

Kepler steepled his fingers and leaned back in his chair. How best to explain this to a new recruit, and one clearly itching for a goal. “Have I ever told you the story of the time I, with the backing of Goddard futuristics, saved an entire small country from certain destruction?” 

“I’ve been here for less than 48 hours, sir.” 

“So no? Well, let me explain to you what progress and the big picture really look like.” He launched into a story, explaining not only the averted catastrophe of that small country, but other tales as well. Tales of green energy, medical advancement, and lives saved with AI taking dangerous jobs. He explained the good Goddard has done- and his part in it, of course- over the span of decades. From the big picture to… “To helping the little guy. Hiring the man on his last ropes in need of a job. Giving him the chance to change the world with us.” 

A silence stretched out between them, and Jacobi glanced from the plan to the Major, weighing his options. In the end, there was really nothing to weigh. “Well sir, what do you want me to do?” 

“You want me to DISARM IT?” 

The sirens blared throughout the room of a mission gone totally south. Jacobi was fairly sure that no mission had ever gone this wrong in the history of Goddard before, and now they were both going to die by experimental bomb. 

“That’s what I said.” Kepler responded in that infuriatingly calm, slow tone. 

“Are you crazy?” 

“No.” 

“Are you _insane_” 

“No.” 

“We need to evacuate. I’ve never seen anything like that bomb before _sir_. I don’t even know how I would begin to disarm it. I suggest we do the sensible thing and all run for our lives.” For a moment it looked like Kepler might actually listen, as he made his way to the door of the basement they were in. Instead, he locked the door. 

“Take that bomb apart, Jacobi. As quickly as you like.” 

Oh he was going to strangle that man. If he lived through this, he was going to kill the Major with his own two hands. Maybe beat him to death with the improvised explosion. 

“If we live through this, I’m quitting.” Jacobi said flatly, then turned to the device. There was a timer on the top, counting downwards from two minutes. He had worked faster than two minutes before, but never on something like this. He barely knew where to start. 

But he had to do something. 

He ran through his options, working quickly and silently. All sarcasm and anger drained into a chilling calm as he worked to isolate the charge. There was no way he could deactivate the device as designed, so the Major was right. He would have to take it apart. Kepler watched from the doorway, a mask of cool certainty on his face that Jacobi was too focused to notice. 

Fifteen seconds ticked by. 

Then fifteen more. 

The clock turned off at one minute and forty two seconds left, and Jacobi swore under his breath. There was no way that had disarmed it, he had just cut off the timer in the process of taking the bomb apart. That’s fine. Not like he could work any faster than he was. 

One minute and twenty three seconds later, he slammed his hands on the table in triumph. 

“We’re clear!” He said, and for a moment the world tilted nauseatingly. They were alive. He did not get them all killed. The bomb did not go off and they were not going to die. A grin spread over his face. Jesus it felt good to be back. 

Kepler took in the grin. The way Jacobi looked at the harmless bomb like it was a work of art. The shine in his eyes that spoke so clearly of _ I missed doing this _. 

He took a gamble. “Do you still want to quit?” 

Jacobi’s attention snapped back to Kepler, joy sliding off it as he remembered his rage. “I really should, sir. Who’s asinine idea was it to send me here on my first day?” 

“Mine. I knew you could handle it, and I was right.” Kepler said plainly. “Unless you think I wasn’t, in which case, the door is right behind me.” 

Jacobi stared at him for a second, trying to read his face. Kepler found himself worried, for just a moment, that he really had pushed too far. Maybe Jacobi’s moral compass outweighed his desperation. Maybe he was more stubborn than Kepler anticipated. 

“Okay.” Jacobi said, and Kepler gave no visible response at his relief. “If I can do stuff like this every day, and make the world better in the process, you’ve got me.” 

Jacobi took missions without Kepler after that, and was always successful. Whenever possible, Kepler got him on his team, and they worked even better together. 

They traveled the world, together and separate, doing what had to be done. Whenever the morality of a job got particularly gray, they made sure Kepler was there with Jacobi, and soon both the major and the company had the demolition expert’s complete loyalty. There was a lot of it, they found, the first time he got shot. 

“Mr. Jacobi, that was the stupidest thing an operative has ever done on my watch.” Kepler scolded in the hospital, earning him only a smug grin. 

“Gee Jacobi, I never thanked you for being the only one to see the sniper. I would totally be dead and the mission would have failed if not for you. What would I do without you?” Jacobi mocked. Kepler bristled. 

“You could have died.” 

“I’m fine. I did what had to be done to get the job done successfully. That’s what being SI-5 is, right? You keep saying to focus on the big picture, well I did. And it was bigger than a bullet in the shoulder.” 

Kepler was beginning to wonder if there was a fine line between loyalty and insanity. Jacobi, meanwhile, meant every word he said. He could complain and argue, but at the end of the day he had been at Goddard for seven months and understood what had to be done. He probably would not have done it if he would have been killed, but he honestly thought he could take the guy down without getting hurt at all. 

Funny how a little praise from the higher ranks could make someone feel immortal. 

Fireworks boomed and exploded overhead. Three years ago today, Daniel Jacobi lost what he thought was his dream job with no hope of ever working again. One year ago today, that changed forever. 

A few went off at once, and Jacobi swore he saw Kepler flinch as five crackled right over their heads. He leaned back in the grass, grin spreading over his face as the sky lit up with colorful flame. “One year.” He said, almost to himself. 

“And you somehow managed to complain through every mission we went on during it.”

“Hey. Sarcasm is my thing. I was never going to actually leave.” Jacobi said it was a no-brainer, and Kepler always knew that there was no way Jacobi would walk out. Yet, he still found himself a little relieved. He liked working with the guy. 

Dammit. 

“What’s that face?” Jacobi asked. “It looks like you ate disappointing lemons.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

“Oh I’m worried, Major. Terrified, really. Explain the disappointing lemons face before my concern grows to hysterics.” He said, tone as casual as ever. 

“I was considering promoting you, Mr. Jacobi, to my official right hand.” 

That knocked the snark right out of him. A beat of silence stretched out between them as Jacobi took that in. 

“I’ve been here for a year, sir.” 

“And you’ve done great work. It’s obvious we work well together, and I there is no doubt in my mind that you can handle it.” 

“So I’ll be doing more than just explosives?” 

“We’ll keep you to your specialty to the best of our abilities, of course, but yes. You’ll be doing more for the SI-5 and Goddard as a whole.” 

“Alright.” He said, regaining his usual composure “Already sold my soul to the company, might as well go the whole mile.” 

Goddard Futuristics had a tendency to break people. They would die, or suffer a nervous breakdown, or both. Anyone with a moral compass had to be torn apart and rebuilt in the image of a good operative. If that failed, they were sent somewhere very, very out of the way. 

Kepler found himself glad Jacobi had managed to fit in with the SI-5 so quickly. It meant he wouldn’t have to break him, and he liked the guy.


End file.
